Have you ever needed an apology? Deeply needed it. Even the simplest “I’m sorry I hurt you” apology can heal wounds. No explanations needed. I know how you hurt me and I don’t need to know the reasons. I don’t need your excuses.
But the words…they do mean so much. They can be the ointment on a deep wound. Doesn’t heal it or make it go away, but sometimes it can be a comfort and possibly aid in the healing just a bit.
What about when you never get the apology?
An apology doesn’t need to partner with a reconciliation of any kind. A broken relationship doesn’t need to be mended for an apology to be needed or valid or accepted. You can still walk away. I don’t need you in my life, but I may still need an apology.
I’ve been struggling with this for a while. Why do I need or want an apology? I don’t expect a change in the circumstance. I don’t need to see any changed behavior. I really don’t even care if I speak to you again. But I want to hear “I’m sorry I hurt you.” It’s the validation that I am a human being who cared enough for you to hurt me in the first place. It’s about an acknowledgment that the person involved cut me to my soul. Wounded me deeply.
Just say you’re sorry and move along. I don’t have time or place in my life for anyone who could hurt me so badly anyway. But I want you to acknowledge that you hurt me. I want those few little words.
Maybe they wouldn’t matter. It’s just words after all.
But words do mean so much. Words are powerful. They can encourage. They can hurt. They can make amends. Including the words to yourself. (I wrote that on Facebook this morning before I started this post, obviously, I had more to say about the matter.)
Sometimes when you need an apology you also need to give one. As I have been searching for my why I need an apology I kept thinking I OWE an apology.
I believe apologies can heal in both directions. They heal the receiver and the giver. Every time I thought I wanted an apology I realized more deeply that I owed a big one (to someone else, btw).
I hope my apology is taken in the spirit it was given. I was hard but I am sorry. Maybe my apology to someone else can heal me a little as well.
